Sitting in the Middle: Understanding Ambivalence in Recovery

One of the most confusing and overlooked parts of recovery is ambivalence. It’s the experience of holding two conflicting truths at the same time—wanting change, but also fearing it; desiring healing, but also resisting it.

In the recovery world, ambivalence can be deeply misunderstood. It’s often seen as resistance, noncompliance, or a lack of motivation. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Ambivalence isn’t a problem to be fixed.
It’s a sign of engagement.

What Does Ambivalence Look Like?

If you've ever had thoughts like these, you're in good company:

• “I want to stop drinking, but it’s the only thing that helps me relax.”

• “I hate how I feel on this medication, but I’m scared to come off of it.”

• “I know this relationship isn’t healthy, but I don’t know who I am without it.”

• “I want to get better, but part of me still clings to the past.”

Ambivalence shows up in mental health recovery, addiction recovery, trauma healing, eating disorder treatment, and more. It doesn't discriminate. It’s often the emotional push-and-pull that keeps people stuck between knowing something needs to change and not yet being ready to take the leap.

Why It’s Normal (and Even Necessary)

Ambivalence isn’t a barrier to recovery—it’s often the beginning of it.

Here’s the truth: even our most self-destructive behaviors usually serve a purpose. They help us survive. They numb pain. They distract from trauma. They offer temporary relief. Letting them go can feel like losing a part of our identity, our safety net, or our sense of control.

Change—no matter how healthy or necessary—is uncomfortable. It threatens our routines, our relationships, our coping mechanisms. It asks us to step into the unknown. So of course we feel torn.
Of course we feel afraid.

Ambivalence is not a character flaw. It’s a natural part of how humans move through change.

How We Work With Ambivalence

At Wayfinder Recovery, we honor ambivalence as an essential part of the recovery journey.

Instead of pushing clients to “just commit” or “make up their minds,” we invite them to sit with the tension. We help people explore both sides of their ambivalence:

• What part of you wants to change?

• What part of you wants to stay the same?

• What are the risks and benefits of each path?

• What values are beneath the surface?

This process—often rooted in motivational interviewing and person-centered coaching—allows people to feel heard, not judged. It builds trust. It supports autonomy. And it opens the door to real, lasting shifts.

Harm Reduction Is Built on This Idea

Let’s take a step back. Think about how we manage risk in everyday life.
Driving a car is dangerous—but most of us do it anyway. We don’t ban cars. We buckle up. We follow speed limits. We install airbags.
These are all harm reduction strategies.

Recovery is no different. If someone isn’t ready to stop using entirely, we can support them in using more safely. If someone is unsure about therapy, we can start with small, manageable steps. If a client feels conflicted about change, we work with the ambivalence—not against it.

Even abstinence can be a harm reduction goal. It's not about being all-or-nothing. It's about recognizing that every positive step—no matter how small—is meaningful.

A Compassionate Reframe

Too often, people feel ashamed of their ambivalence. They worry that it means they’re not serious about recovery, or that they’re “on the fence.” But here’s what we want you to know:

You can be both scared and ready.
You can want change and still feel pulled toward old habits.
You can feel lost and still be on the right path.

Ambivalence is a signal, not a symptom.
It means you're thinking. You're wrestling. You're waking up to something new.

Final Thoughts

Recovery isn’t a straight line. It's a winding, uncertain path full of conflicting emotions, deep questions, and brave decisions. If you're in that in-between place—if you're unsure, uncomfortable, or questioning your next move—you're not broken.
You're becoming.

And you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you're someone navigating your own recovery or supporting someone else through theirs, honoring ambivalence can be one of the most powerful tools we have.

Let’s stop pathologizing ambivalence.
Let’s normalize it. Let’s talk about it. Let’s create space for it.

Because that “in between” space?
It’s where transformation begins.

Need support navigating ambivalence or figuring out your next step?
Reach out for a free consultation.